Feeling Convicted

Most of these posts are light-hearted, often sarcastic stories about a day in the life of the Tomlinsons. Every once in a while I'm allowed a serious post. Aren't I?

Those of you who parent along side of me know that I am very open to admitting and discussing my short comings as a parent. I laugh about back when I was a perfect parent-that being of course when I only had one child. I mean, who isn't pretty close to perfect when all your attention is on the one? As each new child came into our family, I have felt more and more inadequate to be the parent that I want to be. Of course, I have very high expectations of myself, feeling it is my number one priority to raise children who love the Lord and love others. This can sometimes be a daunting task when surrounded by the obedience and self-control of toddlers. Or should I say, lack of. My biggest struggle as of late is yelling at my children. Until recently, I have never struggled with a bad temper or a lack of self-control with the volume or tone of my voice. Now I struggle with these on a minute by minute basis. My dad had a very bad temper when we were children and now he is the most chill man you could ever meet. Suddenly, I totally get this. Perhaps toddlers can just bring this out of you. The problem is, I am so not O.K with this. No one, especially my precious children, deserve to be yelled at. It is a complete lack of respect, poor modeling for how they should treat other people, and total hypocrisy to the truth I am trying to teach them of loving others the way Jesus loves us. Insert here, feeling convicted. I know in my heart that this self-control is beyond myself at this hectic stage of my life and must be received from being daily connected in prayer with God. I know, without a doubt, that this is necessary to being the mother that I am called to be. I have not made the time in my day for this lately. I will forever be puzzled why we continuously avoid the things that we know make us better. Exercise, for example. It feels so good after you do it. The results for your body inside and out are excellent. The same for eating well. After several months of eating well I was sure I would never return to the unhealthy habits I have always had. I felt so good, so much energy. And yet, most of us compromise when it comes to exercise and eating healthy. We avoid what we know is best for us. For me, it is the same with spending time reading the bible and praying. There is no time when I feel better. It puts me in a position to hear from God- to be encouraged, convicted, and strengthened. It is during these periods of discipline when I feel empowered to be the mother, wife, friend, etc. that I want to be and feel God wants me to be. So why on earth is it not the first thing I make time for in my day? Why is it, in fact, the last thing and most often not at all? I hope to take action with this feeling of conviction and make time for this in my life. It is truly the only way that I will be able to overcome this lack of self-control I call yelling. I'll keep you posted on how it goes! I wouldn't mind a few prayers in this endeavor!