Discouraged

It's hard to believe that in the five weeks that Amelia has not been sick, I have actually forgotten the stress of having her sick. I mean, after a year of being sick constantly, you'd think I would be apprehensive of the recent wellness, waiting any moment for the cycle to start again. But, I actually haven't. I have really thought all the findings from her recent procedures were the answer that we were looking for. I let myself believe we were done with all that.

I guess that is why this same old story cold turned into major bouts of coughing has really got me discouraged. My friend Jo tried to reason with me that she is still going to get colds, despite the recent progress we've made. I know. I do. But does it have to be so similar in time frame and symptoms to what we've been dealing with for the past year? Usually her cycle is every three weeks. This time we made it five. These five weeks, however, were as well as she's been in over a year. Perhaps if it didn't start out the exact same way it has every other time, and move to her chest in exactly the same time frame, perhaps I could just write this off as a cold.

I don't know what is more heartbreaking: standing over your sleeping child coughing desperately and moaning in her sleep with nothing to do to help her or hearing her awake crying, "Mommy, I don't want to be sick anymore." I was recently talking about this to my friend Robin, who had us in her home for several days this summer. She said, and I agree with her, that there really isn't any way someone could know what you're talking about until they hear it for themselves. It is very sad.

I know this post is a real downer. Unfortunately, that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about all this. Like I said, in these five wonderful healthy weeks, I have forgotten that in these times it is really impossible to think about anything else but how to get my child well.

I know that I serve the God who is capable of all healing. Who purposes everything according to His great plan. I know he is in control. I just have to remind myself of this every couple of moments.

Please pray that this is just an innocent cold and not the start of this endless cycle.